


dummy the captain puppy

by Sanna_Black_Slytherin



Series: The Other 51 [32]
Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Crack, Dogs, Fluff, Friendship, Gen, Humor, Sassy Spock, Sillyness, the enterprise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-31
Updated: 2017-01-31
Packaged: 2018-09-21 04:39:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9531836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sanna_Black_Slytherin/pseuds/Sanna_Black_Slytherin
Summary: Spock adopts a dog. Bones co-parents. There is banter, and Kirk isjust slightlyjealous.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Happy end of 17/01 everyone!

Spock adopts a dog.

This surprises Kirk for several reasons, the foremost of which being that he hasn’t known that Vulcans even _liked_ pets, although the incident with the tribbles and the Klingons really should have given him a clue.

Well, Spock actually adopts a _puppy_ on the grounds that it would be beneficial for the crew morale if they had a mascot. It quickly grows into a hyperactive dog while retaining mindset of its younger self. Uhura loves it at once.

To Kirk's eminent surprise, Bones immediately volunteers to co-parent for Spock's puppy, claiming that dogs, unlike Vulcans, need someone who cares for them and showers them with affection, and Spock certainly isn't it. Spock's left eyebrow twitches, which, in Spock Speak, means that he feels offended by the mere notion that he is unqualified for the care and feeding of a canine familiar.

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One day, Kirk finds the dog on the bridge. He simply walks in and there it was, proudly occupying his chair, showing not the slightest inclination to move when Kirk glares at it, then coughs pointedly, then gestures at the floor in the universal 'get down from there, you pest' gesture.

The dog is sprawled out in the captain’s chair when Kirk steps onto the bridge. It resolutely refused to budge.

Uhura doesn’t even bother to hide her amusement. Kirk glares at her, then swirls around. “Where is Mr Spock?” he demands. Chekov and Sulu exchange knowing glances. “Well?” Kirk says. Nobody answers. He runs a hand through his hair. “God, this is just like the tribbles all over again. As much as I love pets, I need that mutt off this bridge.”

The dog growls. Uhura snickers. “He doesn’t seem to like you much, captain.”

“I don’t care. My ship, my rules,” Kirk says firmly. Chekov and Sulu exchange another knowing glance. Kirk grimaces, stalking off in search of his first officer.

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His first stop are the labs. Several junior science personnel scatter upon seeing Kirk’s thunderous face.

Next, he checks Sulu’s arboretum, Spock’s quarters, Engineering, the mess hall, the lounge, in the order of likelihood of finding Spock there.

Kirk finally finds Spock in the last place he would think Spock would visit – the sickbay. He is arguing with Bones, which is probably the only normal thing Kirk has seen this day.

Kirk wonders what the hell they’re doing – yes, technically they _are_ the first science officer and the CMO aboard the Enterprise, but he has never seen them socialize without practically being forced to (on Bones’ part, at least – Spock would deny that he needs forcing of any sort), so he remains just out of Spock’s sight and tries to be as quiet as possible, observing them bicker.

Bones claims that he’s beginning to suspect that the universe had some sort of vengeance against the Enterprise. Spock refutes this argument by explaining, rather logically, that the chances that the universe is sentient are infinitesimal, therefore invalidating the doctor's reasoning, and even if one is to assume that the cosmos is, in fact, alive, it would make no sense for it to focus all of its attention on a single starship out in the vacuum of space.

To this, Bones grumbles and declares that Spock's logic doesn’t always explain everything (“Remember Mudd?” he gloats), and anyway, hasn’t he once said that exposure results in a degree of contamination? Spock scowls – or at least that's what it seems like to Kirk; he was by no means an expert on Vulcan facial expression. “If I recall correctly,” Bones scoffs with derision, “I said that ‘constant exposure results in a certain degree of contamination’, doctor,” he states neutrally.

Anyway, what _is_ this thing? Bones pokes at something out of Kirk’s sight. Before Kirk can blink, Spock, quick as lightning, grabs Bones’ wrist between his fingers, and holds it away from whatever the hell is on Bones’ desk – and isn’t it sad that Kirk knows the layout of sickbay better than he knows his own quarters? That ought to be reason enough for Bones not to admit him there as often (Or it could indicate that he has a much higher-than-usual rate of injury, as Spock would undoubtedly inform him, which is why Spock _isn’t consulted_ on these things.)

“Kindly stop petting machines whose effect on humans is still unknown,” Spock says neutrally, although Kirk detects a note of scolding.

“Let go of me,” Bones demands, though he doesn’t put as much anger into his words as he usually does, whenever Kirk is around. He waits until Spock relinquishes his grip on his hand, but doesn’t make a move to touch the machine again. “Well?” he says pointedly. “Is this your way of admitting that you don’t know what this is?”

“This is a neural scanning device of some sort,” Spock informs him haughtily. “It has been built of pergium, aluminium, and fromite, and has been invented by Zubin Wabia and Alexey Dmitrievich–”

“A Russian,” Bones chuckles. “Chekov would have been over the moon to know about this.”

Spock frowns. “Ensign Chekov is not aware of the existence of this device, nor will he be. As for being over the moon, I fail to see how his location in space has any relation to–”

“Relax, you green-blooded hobgoblin,” Bones rolls his eyes. “It was an idiom. I can’t believe that Vulcans don’t– actually, no. I’m not in the least bit surprised that Vulcans don’t have idioms. Your logic probably occupies every bit of art you have – assuming you have any.”

“I take deep delight in every way in which I am different from you, doctor,” Spock replies with just a hint of annoyance. “Now, doctor, this device is used mostly for detecting neutral pathways as well as–”

“Did you swallow an encyclopedia, Spock?” Bones retorts.

Spock gives Bones a scolding look. “To do so would be illogical,” he replies with a hint of amusement, “as well as directly detrimental to my health. However, if I am to make an approximation of the state of your mind, there is nothing you could do to diminish it.”

“You wound me, Spock, truly,” Bones makes as if to touch himself where his heart is, then, with a smirk, shifts his hand to where Kirk is pretty sure a human liver – he remembers _that much_ from human biology back in Starfleet – is situated. It's an old joke, one even Kirk is familiar with.

Kirk smiles, noting absentmindedly that watching Spock and Bones talk without them being aware of his presence feels as surreal as watching an animal in their natural habitat, which– animals. Right. Dog on chair. _Spock’s_ dog on _his_ chair.

Kirk coughs once. “Girls, you're both pretty,” he says loudly, finally stepping into sickbay. Bones jumps up, startled. The indifferent expression Spock’s face does not shift, and he gives Kirk his patented ‘I know what you were doing, foolish human, but I decided that it was harmless and thus to indulge you’ – which, fair enough, Kirk shrugs. “I’m actually here for Spock,” he tells Bones, who huffs indignantly.

“Of course you are,” he says, and busies himself with the neutral scanning device whose second function Spock still hasn’t revealed. It’s small and round, gleaming whenever Bones shines a light onto it.

Kirk dismisses the device for the moment, because, as much as he would have liked to poke at Bones and find out everything about this apparent secret project neither he nor Spock have deigned to inform him about, there are more pressing matters. “Spock, there is a dog in my chair,” he speaks. “ _Your_ dog.”

Spock’s left eyebrow rises. He turns to Bones wordlessly, and he and Bones seem to have a silent conversation and _when did they start doing that_. He turns back to Kirk. “I have failed to notice the lack of Dummy’s presence, captain,” he says. “I apologize most sincerely.

“Wait,” Kirk says slowly. "You called your dog _Dummy_?” he can’t quite keep the incredulity from his voice.

“Spock wanted to call him ‘Jim’,” Bones chimes in, “but I said that it would be confusing, and that, since he wanted to name the fluffy hairball after you, why not something more appropriate?” he grinned.

Spock nods. “The doctor made a most compelling argument,” he agrees.

 _What the actual fuck,_ Kirk thinks. _How is any of this even real._

He decides to voice his concerns. Spock frowns at him in much the same way he had at Bones only a minute ago. “If you are having problems with your cognitive abilities, captain, you will permit Doctor McCoy to test you for any lasting injuries. Much as it pains me to say this, the good doctor is sufficiently competent as to be able to ascertain whether the damage you have received on your last mission is in any way harmful.”

Bones smirks. “Is this a Vulcan compliment?” he snorts. “Quite emotional, coming from you.”

“On the contrary, doctor,” Spock refutes, “I find it to be quite logical a conclusion, based on the data available to me. I have seen you, over the course of four years–”

Bones waves him off. “A joke,” he says. “Another thing you should look up in that encyclopedia you totally haven’t swallowed.”

“Spock, dog,” Kirk reminds him before he can reply to Bones’ insult because everyone and their mother knew that once Spock and Bones get started, there is ny stopping them.

Spock inclines his head, arms crossed behind his back. “I will fetch him at once, captain.”

Kirk smiles. “Why don’t I accompany you, Mr Spock?” he suggests lightly.

“As we are headed in the same direction, that would be the optimal solution,” Spock replies, one corner of his lip quirking up in a fragment of a smile. Kirk's eyes shine up. Bones rolls his eyes again, grumbling something about their antics.

Spock makes his way to the exit, telling Bones that he will return shortly with his canine charge. Kirk, likewise, waves goodbye to Bones as he exits sickbay, promising to drop by later with a bottle of whiskey.

And if he puts a possessive hand on Spock’s shoulders while guiding him out of the room – well, that _is_ his prerogative.

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly, this was just an excuse to write in some Spock & Bones banter. I love their sass.


End file.
